This registry is for the in-between: the ones whose gills only appear on weekdays, whose dreams keep switching to sonar, whose socks refuse to dry, whose reflections occasionally blink with the wrong set of eyes.

If you suspect you are partially salmon (or adjacent), please review the selection of documented cases below. If any of them feel uncomfortably familiar, you may submit your own symptoms to be misfiled promptly.

For the full list of old and current cases: Click here

 

Case #004 – “Monday Gills”

Status: Pending clarification

Reported symptoms: Subject reports waking every Monday with faint, decorative gill-lines on the neck, fading by lunchtime. Increased craving for rivers during staff meetings. Browser history shows repeated searches for “waterproof office chairs.”

Peter’s note: “Recommend: avoid large bodies of water during performance reviews. Transformation appears triggered by dread.

 

Case #011 – “Unexpected Leaping”

Status: Physically awkward  

Symptoms: Occasional, uncontrollable urge to jump for no reason—on stairs, in queues, once during a presentation. Subject briefly reports feeling “air plus water at once.”  

Peter’s note: “Classic breach reflex. Advise warning nearest humans: ‘I may suddenly be vertical.’”

 

Case #016 – “Mirror Lag”

Status: Concerning  

Symptoms: Reflection moves half a second late, occasionally scaled. Splashes faintly heard while brushing teeth. Sink water sometimes flows sideways.  

Peter’s note: “Avoid long stares. Mirrors are part-time portals with poor boundaries.”

 

Case #029 – “Calendar Migration”

Status: Planning hazard  

Symptoms: Calendar app rearranges dates into vague “runs” and “rests.” Week labelled as “spawning window” with no explanation.  

Peter’s note: “Time reformatting to lifecycle view. Maybe don’t accept all invites.”

 

Case #031 – “Unexpected Finishing Moves”

Status: Social side effect  

Symptoms: When conversations end, subject instinctively flicks their wrist in a small wave-like motion, as if steering a current. Friends describe it as “weirdly aquatic punctuation.”  

Peter’s note: “Your goodbyes are evolving. Next step: exit every room like you’re rejoining the river.”  

 

Case #038 – “The Vanishing Towels”

Status: Domestic mystery  

Symptoms: Towels used after showers never feel fully dry again and sometimes disappear for days, later returning faintly smelling of river stones. Laundry basket occasionally damp for no reason.  

Peter’s note: “The river is borrowing your fabrics for costume changes. Consider it rent for all the transformation support.”

Submit Your Symptoms

If you are experiencing partial transformation, please complete the form below. Fields marked with a * are required, but may lie to you.

  • Name (current or former):
  • Percentage human (estimate, allow for flopping):
  • Primary symptom (e.g. ‘I can smell the tide through my phone’):
  • When did it start (roughly, or ‘always’):
  • Have you visited the site after 3:03 a.m.? (Yes / Yes, but in denial)

By submitting, you consent to having your condition gently misinterpreted and stored in a damp drawer labelled “WORK IN PROGRESS.” The Registry cannot guarantee a cure, but it can offer companionship in your increasingly aquatic confusion.